The Wizard of Porn
by SnowAngel768
Summary: NOT WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE! A wonderful story of twists and turns, based off of the anime Naruto and the classic the Wizard of Oz! Full of dumb blondes, preppy witches, and a no-tailed dog-among other things, of course-you'll love it!
1. Chapter 1

It was a bright, sunny day in the land of Konoha. Temari walked along the path, her faithfull dog by her side. Up the walk into her home she went, and opened the screen door, looking at her dog who was taking a bathroom break on her neighbor's lawn. "Kiba! Bad boy!" Kiba whined and ran over, looking apologetically up at his owner. Temari opened the door and wiped her feet, walking into the house. "I'm home!!" Kiba immediatly ran for the toy basket and pulled out a stuffed monkey toy, starting to whip it around.

Temari walked down the hall. "Auntie Kurenai, I'm home!" Aunt Kurenai turned the corner and smiled at her neice. "Nice to see you got back without running into that nosy neighbor of ours."

Just then, the doorbell rang.Aunt Kurenai and Temari went twoards it, but her uncle got there first.

"Mr.Hatake, I'll have you know that your neice let her stupid dog go to the bathroom on my otherwise immaculate lawn!"

Kiba rounded the corner and bared his teeth at the women.

Uncle Kakashi sighed. "Ms...you don't even have a last name."

"Don't rub it in."

"Well then, Ms...Buns."

"IT'S TENTEN!"

"Ms.Tenten...I'll make sure Kiba doesn't spoil your 'otherwise immaculate lawn' again."

Ms.Buns-excuse me, Ms.Tenten-shook her head. "You better. Or I'll have that mutt be put down!"

Kiba whined and put his head down, glaring at Tenten the whole time. But she shook her finger at him. "Just you wait. I'll get you, you little mutt..." With that, she turned and was gone.

Uncle Kakashi closed the door. "Temari..."

"Ah, I'm sorry Uncle Kakashi. It won't happen again...for our sake, or for Kiba's." She knelt down and pet his head. "Whos a good boy? Whos a good boy?" Kiba barked, wiggling his but(his tail had been removed in an accident involving a rubber ball, a log, and an ax.) and licked her face. Temari giggled and straightened up, and looked at her Aunt and Uncle. "Well, I'm going to take a walk!" She skipped out of the house and down the road.

She came to a little wagon with an old man sitting there. "Professer Pervert! How are you?"

The man, who had blindingly white hair, laughed abit. "Temari...How many times do I have to tell you my name is Jiraiya?"

"But Professer Pervert suits you better."

(insert sweatdrop here)

"Okay, sorry Jiraiya..."

Jiraiya relaxed and smiled abit more. "Much better. Mind doing me a favor?"

"Sure!" Said the blonde, smiling the whole time.

"Would you, er...model for me?" He asked hopefully.

"No thanks...I don't do porn. I'm to smart for that!" She said. "Now I have to go back. Bye byes!" She started on her way home.

Once she opened the door, she headed up to her room. She picked up her fan and spread it out, Kiba laying down on it and trying to get some sleep. Temari soon fell asleep, also.

But what they didn't know was...something was headed thier way. 


	2. Chapter 2

Temari woke up to see Kiba running around in circle, barking at absoloutely nothing. But she felt a spinning sensation and stumbled over to the window to look out.

Alas! There all around them was a sand vortex! ("I feel like we're at the beach!" Temari proclaimed, to which Kiba barked.) A pig flew past her window. Then a bowl of ramen, with a teary faced boy flying after it. And then came a green faced, brown haired, evil witch, a ginormous wart on her nose. (Or it might have been her nose.) With an evil cackle, the witch threw a sharp object at them, that missed poor Kiba by an inch. Then she disappeared.

"What are we going to do!?"Temari whined, clearly at loss. Just then, the house fell, and with a sickening thud and crack, and a threatening lurch, all was still.

"We're back down! Lets go take a look!" Kiba woofed in agreemeant and jumped twoards the door, a happy look on his face the whole time.

Temari skipped over to the door and threw it open. She walked out, and saw many little people. "Aw, look at the cute little mucnhkins!!" She chimed, but the one-who had a scarf around his neck-took off his helmet and whipped it at Temari. "Ow!" She shouted when the helmet made contact with her arm. "That hurt!"

"We're not munchkins! We're kids, stupid!" Temari looked over them. "Oh...your right! I'm sorry." The kid rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. Anyway, I'm Konohamaru! And thats Udon...and Moegi...and Neji...and Hinata!" The five childrens eyes stared up at Temari, and she looked at them all. She locked eyes with Hinata, who blushed and looked away. "Don't mind her, shes a little shy." Neji said, watching Hinata; who pulled her kimono tighter around her.

Temari nodded. Then,with a sudden POOF!, a witch appeared next to her. She had blonde hair, up in a ponytail, and bright blue eyes. "Like, oh my gawd! Who are you? I've, like, never seen you here before!"

Temari looked at her skeptically. "My names Temari, and I'm from the land of Sunagakure...but, then I went to Konoha...So I'm from the land of Konohagakure!...I think..."

"Like, never heard of it! I soooo can't believe I met another good witch!"

"I'm not a witch, though."

"Are you sure??"

"Absoloutely. And Even if I was a witch, which I'm not-I think-what makes you think I'm good?"

"Well, you like killed that evil hag!" She said, pointing to two feet sticking out from under her house. Temari's eyes misted up with tears. "I...killed her?" Kiba nuzzled her hand in a 'it's okay' motion.

The children linked hands and danced around Temari in a circle, singing "Ding, dong, the witch is dead! The witch is dead! The witch is dead! Ding, dong, the evil witch is deaaaaaad!"

The good witch nodded. "Yes! You killed the evil witch! Oh, I like toatally forgot. My names Glenda, by the way!"

"Glenda? Thats a funny-"

EVIL POOF

"NOOOOOO MY SISTER!" Wailed someone knelt down by the dead witches body. Temari skipped over and patted her back. "It's okay! I killed the evil witch, so your sister will be safe now!"

"WHAT!?" Roared the witch. She straightened up and ripped off her hat, long pink hair falling down over her shoulder and down her back. Her green eyes blazed with anger, making Temari cower and Kiba get down, starting to bark at her.

"Shut up, you!" She said, striking the dog with her hat. Kiba barked again, his hair rising, but a stiff growl coming from deep within his throat. Temari backed up abit. "B-but, shes evil, right?" She just noticed now all the children had scattered and were hiding behind Glenda.

The witch seemed to growl herself. "YES! But shes my sister! Being evil is what we are good at! And you took away my partner in crime!" She lifted her wand, about to cast a spell, but Glenda swiped it away. "Nah uh uh! Can't we all just, like,get along?"

"GLENDA-PIG!"

"Haha, you have a billboard brow!" Glenda laughed, and Billboard Brow crossed her arms, face matching her hair. "Shut up! You'll be begging for forgiveness once I get my sisters ruby hairbands!"

Temari looked at the dead witch, but only saw her shoes, which were pale, plain pink.

Glenda laughed again. "Like, forget it! You won't lay a finger on those ruby hairbands!" She flicked her wrist, and Temari's long, blonde hair was now up in four buns, one for each hairband.(Since, of course the Evil Witch, being evil and all, took more than she needed for her two buns.)

"What did you say?" She growled, and Glenda laughed again. "Like, this here girl is always gonna be under my watchful, perky eye! So you won't be able to lay a hand on her for a long long time!"

"We'll just see about that! CHA!" With the "CHA!" The evil witch disappeared.

"Who was that? And don't I look silly with four buns?" Temari asked.

"That was the Wicked Witch of the West. And of course you do, silly! But you don't like wanna be a hog like The Wicked Witch of The East and use two hairbands for one bun, do you? Thats, like, such a waste! Oh my god, everyones going green but WASTING money!"

Temari had absoloutely no clue what she was talking about-recycling? HER? nah!-But just shrugged it off. "Well, now what? I wanna go home."

"Oh, I so know how you can get home!"

"Really? How?"

"You have to go see the wizard!"

"The...wizard?"

"Yeah! He'll like poof you back! For a small fee!"

"But, you poofed here. Can't you poof me back?"

"Thats not in the script..."

"The...script?"

Glenda sighed. "Nevermind...Just follow this Yellow Brick Road! It'll take you straight to the Wizard!"

Temari nodded. "Okay! come on, Kiba!"

Kiba ran up to Temari, a struggling Udon in his mouth. "Bad Kiba! Put him down!" Kiba reluctantly dropped the child before they continued on thier way, along the Yellow brick road.


End file.
